Captain’s Log stardate 9/22/22 I wish that I could drop a captains log right about now. It has been 4 days since my surgery in a cruel twist of irony the bidet I was so excited about sits unused in my bathroom. Apparently, whatever Tom Cruise scientology stuff they do […]
Random shit that happens to me
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The unholy aroma
Let me just preface this with it’s kind of gross so if you’ve got a weak stomach, kind of squeamish, or are a big ol baby just stop reading here. This is in no way a post advocating for the sweet delicious taste of copenhagen wintergreen (longcut of course) in […]
Random shit that happens to me
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I choked on an egg
One time many years ago my good friend juicy brought home a giant jar of pickled eggs to the bachelor pad, the diamond of rose st. Now my pallet is much more refined now and I probably wouldn’t partake of some sketchily prepared pickled eggs these days. However; as a […]
Random shit that happens to me
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That time I didn’t aspirate
So, I’m old after you hit 30 it’s basically like your body just says fuck it and decides to just randomly start falling apart like a toddler playing Jenga there’s no rhyme or reason to what’s gonna hurt when you wake up tomorrow. You slept wrong? Guess what, you now […]
Random shit that happens to me
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Tiiiiimmmmmbbbbbeerrrrr
Life is about the quiet moments. The moments you get to treasure and reflect upon all your happiest memories. Tonight was no such night for me. Perhaps some of you remember that my dog decided to remodel my bathroom. My porcelain throne is no longer a safe place for me […]