
<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Everyone has flaws and I guess mine is that I am just so freakishly strong that the sheer might of me flexing tore my bicep muscle tendon. ; So now my right arm is reduced to that of a normal man. ; I am going to have to go under the knife and have complete reconstruction performed. ; However that is not what this post is about.</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">While meeting with the surgeon so he could answer all my questions he told me my right arm is for the most part going to be useless and locked into a position after surgery for at least a few weeks before they will let me start to work on range of motion. ; My first initial thought was “bro, how am I gonna wipe my ass.” Which I think is probably most people&#8217;s first thought but maybe not their first question. ; Well, Johnny doesn&#8217;t beat around the bush. I’m not scared to ask the tough questions. ; He replied, “Well I guess you&#8217;re just going to have to sloppily wipe it with your left hand.. orrr you could stop being a savage and get a bidet.” ; I guess thats why hes a doctor and I&#8217;m just a male model. ; ;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Following the dr’s advice I immediately did my favorite thing and peruse the bowels (pun intended) of amazon. ; Of course I am a man of quality so I selected the cheapest one I could find. ; Which was basically just a garden hose with one of those old school sink sprayers on it. ; Good enough for me! ; When it finally arrived I knew I had to install it quickly because I only have one more day where I still have two somewhat usable arms and my wife is ,to put it nicely, really dumb when it comes to that kind of thing. ; ;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Installation was super easy I didn&#8217;t even need any instructions as if I&#8217;ve ever looked at any before. NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! It even came with the most adorable roll of teflon tape that I&#8217;ve ever seen. ; After about 3 minutes it was totally installed and I was hosing down the toilet from across the bathroom due to the ample amount of hose that was supplied. ; At first I was like this is entirely too much but was having too much fun to care. ; I was super excited to give it a try but also worried that it may not work well due to my ample derriere. Ya boy is THICC. ; Since I can&#8217;t evacuate my colon on command I had to wait..</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">Due to my high fiber intake and super efficient digestive system I didn&#8217;t have to wait long. ; Giddy with excitement I skipped into the bathroom. ; I can’t remember the last time I was this excited to launch a butt torpedo. ; My offering to the porcelain altar was pleasant and smooth if you were wondering. ; With great trepidation my hand trembled as I clutched the cool metal of the handle. ; Since I was about to be down my dominant hand I opted to go southpaw to make sure it was possible. ; Despite my left hand having the dumb it felt naturally in my grasp. The ergonomic handle felt as if it was specifically made for me. ; The luxurious chrome finish glistened under the cool soft blue lighting of my fortress of solitude. ; The solid steel fittings were a testament to the craftsmanship that was applied to this piece of equipment. ; I could instantly tell this was made with love by some 12 yr old kid in China. ; The extra long flexible tubing allowed me to have the freedom to soak my sphincter from multiple different angles. I opted to approach directly from the rear a classic safe maneuver that I felt would negate any splash back I may encounter. Now was the moment of truth. ; ;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">I gently pulled the trigger anticipating to spray my chocolate starfish with freezing cold water. My rectum was met with a cool invigorating blast of effervescent ; water. ; The tension on the handle was perfect I was able to perfectly select the proper amount of pressure to apply to my bunghole. ; I played with the force of this conduit of cleanliness for probably a completely inappropriate amount of time. ; Testing a light gentle stream to full on pressure washing my precious orifice. ; No more did I have to wipe like a peasant. No more fear of my finger tearing through the delicate paper. ; No more rubbing my anus raw when you get one of those poos thats like a magic marker and just won&#8217;t stop no matter how many times you wipe. Elated with my new found freedom and pruney water-logged anus, I excitedly rushed to tell my wife about this fantastic invention. ; ;</p>



<p class="wp-block-paragraph">She didn’t really seem to match my energy and enthusiasm about it but she was supportive nonetheless. Probably the best 15$ I’ve ever spent. Now I can’t wait to unleash another brown serpent. If you’ve been on the fence about getting a bidet it is definitely worth it. Time to treat yourself like royalty and take your seat on the porcelain throne like the king you are.</p>


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